Irene Levine's BEST FRIENDS FOREVER Offers Advice on Breaking Up with Your BFF

Dr. Irene S. Levine, author of Best Friends Forever, offers salient advice on breaking up with your best friend in a feature story posted on Lemondrop: It's important to recognize that not all friendships last forever," says Dr. Irene S. Levine, professor of psychiatry at NYU and author of Best Friends Forever: Surviving a Breakup with Your Best Friend. "They're dynamic and change over time, and two friends don't always change in the right direction." Here, she gives us the how-to on parting ways with your best friend.

Heed the signs. "When being together feels like it's consistently draining you of energy, it's time to think about ending the friendship," Dr. Levine says. Does your stomach knot up every time she calls to meet up? Does she always leave you hanging when you need her most while you drop everything to be by her side? Realize that relationships aren't perfect, but if its become a toxic one filled with mistrust and disagreements rather than movie nights and martinis, it could be creeping towards its expiration date.

Break it down gently. Remember that you were besties once upon a time, so try to keep the hurt to a minimum. Plus, she might not have a clue that you want out. "Avoid a direct confrontation and don't breakup in the heat of an argument," Dr. Levine suggests. "Unless there was a betrayal that you need to talk about openly, step back slowly, seeing less and less of one another."

Expect backlash. Not only will this affect your ex-buddy, but any mutual friends as well. Let them know that you're no longer BFFs, but hold off on the dirty details. "Try to understand the hurt your friend feels at being dumped without having a say in the matter," Dr. Levine says. "You'd probably feel the same way." And own up to the breakup. "Instead of blaming the other person, assume responsibility for your decision," she adds.

Heal and move on. Pity parties shouldn't be the only activities on your calendar. "Engage in life with the people and things you enjoy," Dr. Levine suggests. "Try to remember all you're taking away from the relationship and the lessons learned."

Dr. Irene Levine, author of BEST FRIENDS FOREVER, on the Consequences of "Unfriending"

Dr. Irene Levine, author of Best Friends Forever, offers her take on "unfriend," recently named by Oxford American Dictionary as the 2009 "Word of the Year:

"The New Oxford American Dictionary chose the verb "unfriend" as its 2009 Word of the Year (WOTY) and defined it this way: "to remove someone as a ‘friend' on a social networking site such as Facebook." The word "has both currency and potential longevity," explained Christine Lindberg, Oxford's senior lexicographer on the OUP Blog. The choice of this year's word is telling because the act of unfriending (or defriending) is part of the pruning process of maintaining a presence on social media, like Facebook, MySpace and LinkedIn. It's easy to collect more friends than you want or need, including many contacts that may turn out not to be "friends" by any reasonable definition of the word. Fortunately, if someone posts too often, bores you, lurks without posting, has questionable politics or ethics, says something caustic or insensitive, acts unpredictably, or even uses too many exclamation points, it's relatively easy to get rid of them electronically---with no more than a few keystrokes. But dumping a true friend-online or off-isn't as easy because it raises the risk of collateral damage. When two people are really "friends," they're likely to have numerous connections. They may have common friends, live in the same neighborhood, share a workplace or livelihood, belong to the same community or organizations, or have exchanged information (including secrets and confidences) with one another. So a word of caution: Even though a new verb has entered the common parlance, think twice before you unfriend. Doing it carries some of the same risks of dumping someone offline."

Dr. Irene Levine's BEST FRIENDS FOREVER Chosen One of AARP's "Best Books for Grownups" for October

AARP The Magazine has chosen Dr. Irene S. Levine's Best Friends Forever as one of the top ten "Books for Grownups" for their October 2009 issue: "Though popular culture pays lip service to the power of women's friendships, rarely does it acknowledge the great pain felt when such a bond is broken. Psychologist Levine surveys the grieving process that women experience when a close alliance collapses. She also counsels us how to revive a troubled friendship—and how to know when it's time to let it go."

Watch Dr. Irene S. Levine, author BEST FRIENDS FOREVER, on The Today Show!

Dr. Irene S. Levine stopped by The Today Show this morning to discuss her new book Best Friends Forever: Surviving a Breakup with Your Best Friend with Kathie Lee and Hoda.

What happens to our friendships? Why do some grow richer with time, others disappear, and others come to a crashing, often unanticipated, end? How do you tell the difference between the ones that are keepers that are definitely worth saving and the ones that should be discarded? Best Friends Forever explores these vital questions for today's women. To find out more about the book, visit Irene's Friendship Blog!

Meet Dr. Irene S. Levine, author of BEST FRIENDS FOREVER, at Upcoming Events

Dr. Irene Levine, author of Best Friends Forever: Surviving a Breakup with Your Best Friend and The Huffington Post's "Friendship Doctor," is on the radio and on the road in support of her new book, just released in paperback. Best Friends Forever was launched on September 2o - National Woman's Friendship Day - that was marked by fantastic gathering and celebration in Irene's home town of Chappaqua, NY.

Meet "The Friendship Doctor" at these upcoming events:

09/30/2009 - 7:30pm
Discussion and Book-Signing
Border's White Flint - 11301 Rockville Pike
North Bethesda, MD

10/11/2009 - 2:00pm
Discussion and Book-Signing
Barnes and Noble Palisades Mall - 4416 Palisades Center Drive
West Nyack, NY

10/27/2009 - 7:00pm
Reading, Discussion & Book-Signing
Greenburgh Public Library - 300 E Main Street
Elmsford, NY

Best Friends Forever is a groundbreaking and heroically honest book for abandoned friends seeking solace. Perfect for women of all ages and from all walks of life, Best Friends Forever covers: Why friendships fall apart; Coping with getting dumped; How to end a friendship that can t be fixed; Moving forward after a traumatizing breakup. Dr. Levine draws from years of research and the personal testimonials of thousands of women to provide anecdotes and solutions to these complicated situations. Full of tools for personal assessment, case stories, and actionable advice for saving, ending, or re-evaluating a relationship, Best Friends Forever is an indispensable addition to every woman's library.

Dr. Irene Levine Explores the Myths of BEST FRIENDS FOREVER in New Book

ForeWord magazine reviews Best Friends Forever: Surviving a Breakup with Your Best Friend, by Irene S. Levine , Ph.D. in the current issue: "Many women are brought up to believe that they should have one special friend in their lives, a BFF—Best Friend Forever. Unfortunately, this belief often leads to heartbreak, since friends are rarely forever. As people grow and change, so do the dynamics of their friendships, and many friendships lose their initial intimacy or fizzle out altogether. Levine, a psychologist and professor at New York University Medical School, guides women through the myths that set up unrealistic expectations of friendship. She discusses the various reasons a friendship can fail, offers suggestions for saving those worth saving, and tips on bowing gracefully out of those that are no longer working. “Most women relish being the chosen one, the best friend,” Levine writes about the BFF myth. However, chances are slim that one person can fill every niche in another’s life. It is more practical to think of having a close friend for different aspects of one’s life, she says, such as a mom-friend for play dates with the kids, a philosophical friend for intellectual conversations, and an outgoing friend who can introduce you to new people and experiences.

This book is of interest to all women. While much of it focuses on what can go wrong in a friendship and how to deal with endings, there is also great advice on how to make friends and keep them. Forgiveness, avoiding ruts, and apologizing when warranted are some of the ways to save a worthwhile friendship. After all, friendships are important even if they don’t last forever, and a BFF is a wonderful asset. As one woman put it, “Your best friend isn’t the person you call when you are in jail; most likely, she is sitting in the cell beside you.” - Christine Canfield

Dr. Irene Levine's BEST FRIENDS FOREVER in Midwest Book Review

Midwest Book Review takes a look at Best Friends Forever: How to Survive the Break-Up of Your Best Friend, by Irene S. Levine, Ph.D., coming next month - and just in time for National Friendship Day on September 20: "Best Friends Forever: Surviving a Breakup With Your Best Friend is an uplifting and honest book for abandoned friends who are seeking advice to alleviate their pain.

Dr. Irene Levine draws from the personal testimonies of thousands of women to provide anecdotes and groundbreaking solutions to this distressing experience. Offering tools for personal assessment, case stories, and actionable advice for saving, ending, or re-evaluating a relationship, Levine shows that breakups are sometimes inevitable - but not unbearable. . . Best Friends Forever is an astute, ground breaking, easily read book, which holds one's interest from beginning to end. It is highly recommended for psychotherapists whose practices are filled with people mourning the loss of their best friends, the mourners themselves, which includes just about everybody at some time or another in their lives, and the families and friends who love them and feel helpless in confronting their pain."

Overlook Preview: BEST FRIENDS FOREVER by Dr. Irene Levine

Coming next month is the much-anticipated Best Friends Forever: Surviving the Break-Up with Your Best Friend, by Irene S. Levine, Ph.D. Known to readers of The Huffington Post and many other publications as the "Friendship Doctor," Levine offers the first guide for women recovering from a breakup of their best friend.

Here's a sampling of the advance praise for Best Friends Forever:

“For anyone who has ever had a friend, but especially for those who’ve ended close relationships, Irene Levine has written a beautiful guide to recovery and healing. It’s a book filled with honest reflections and heartfelt advice.” —Jeffrey Zaslow, New York Times bestselling author of The Girls from Ames and co-author of The Last Lecture

“Finally, a book that helps you get through the other type of breakup.” —Andrea Lavinthal and Jessica Rozler, authors of Friend or Frenemy?

“The end of a friendship is painful and sad, regardless of the circumstances. Dr. Irene Levine explores this difficult subject with insight and heart, plus a look at the latest research. Her guidance is especially interesting and helpful regarding Facebook and other new developments that are changing the meaning of friendship in today’s world.” —Florence Isaacs, author of Toxic Friends/True Friends and What Do You Say When...

“Dr. Irene Levine’s Best Friends Forever: Surviving a Breakup with Your Best Friend should be every woman’s BFF! Written in a breezy yet thoughtful style and peppered with stories from real-life best friends, this guide shows that female friendships are rich, life-affirming, joyful—but often very complicated too. We women love our friends, but we feel completely alone and confused when those friendships get troubled or even disappear. In her unique self-help guide, Dr Levine gives essential advice and tips for navigating the ups and downs of female friendship.” —Joanne Rendell, author of The Professors’ Wives’ Club and Crossing Washington Square

“Best Friends Forever explodes the myths about female friendships and is a readable, entertaining survival manual filled with practical advice for girls and women of all ages. The book reminds us that it is the nature of relationships to change over time, and helps us understand and cope with those changes. We don't expect to marry our elementary school sweethearts, and it is equally rare for our best friends from childhood to be there for us forever. This book will help you navigate the choppy waters that complicate friendships, advise you on how to salvage the friendships that can and should be saved, and guide you to move on when necessary.” —Diana Zuckerman, PhD, Psychologist, President, National Research Center for Women & Families

“A fractured friendship can be as painful as any other break-up, whether you’ve been jilted by a friend or been the one to do the jilting. Irene S. Levine understands the complications of friendship—the lulls, the obstacles, and yes, the dissolutions, and offers kind, practical and realistic tools to recover from a break-up and emerge strong, healthy and complete.” —Allison Winn Scotch, New York Times bestselling author of Time of My Life